90 Years Young

 There are situations/events/experiences that cause you to reflect on life.  This past weekend I had one such experience, a very positive and exciting experience--we celebrated my mother's 90th birthday!  On Saturday afternoon family and friends were invited to a celebration with singing, sharing, visiting and eating.  Let me share some of my thoughts and reflections.

In preparing the invitation list for the celebration you quickly realize how many people have positively impacted the life of my mom.  I reflected how these people cared and gave of themselves to my mom.  Conversely I recalled how my mother gave of herself to others.  The saying that we should never take family and friends for granted remains as true as ever.

When I think of my mom the first thing I think of is her faith in God.  At the celebration mom shared how her life changed when she accepted Christ as her Savior.  Growing up I was constantly shown what it meant to live your faith and to spend time in prayer.

Secondly I think of my mom as a giver; a giver of finances, material things and of time, love and energy.  One of my earliest memories as a child was taking food and clothing to immigrant families.  Regardless of income mom always gives financially to charities and ministries dear to her heart.  As long as health permits mom continues to visit the ill, the housebound and friends.  One summer I suggested a vacation location and mom's response was "who would we visit, we don't know anyone there."

Thirdly I think of my mom as a single parent (my father passed away when I was three).  I recall the sacrifices she made, the opportunities she provided and the training I received.  Being a parent is not easy and being a single parent when single parents were not common (back in the '60's, '70's and '80's) was even tougher.

My mother is a very determined person.  As a young lady my mom's mom told her that she would never make it on her own.  The next day mom moved out, got a job and found a place to live.  After my father passed away mom sold the farm for four times the amount she would have received had she heeded the "advice" that was offered to her.  I recall many such stories, too many to retell.

I can not remember a day from my youth that mom was not singing.  Mom's favorites were hymns and worship songs, but also "folk" songs from her youth.  For many years mom would spend Saturday evenings singing with a group at local nursing homes.

I love my mom and am proud of her.  My desire and prayer is to use and grow in the wisdom, knowledge and training I received from her and then impart the same to our son.  Thanks for everything.  Happy birthday mom, and many more!

Making Lemonade

The big question when it comes to being a male trailing spouse is how we manage to adjust to our role reversals.  Two years prior to receiving our first overseas assignment I was laid off from my job.  Permanent teaching positions were extremely difficult to find so I became a substitute teacher with increased home life responsibilities.  I continued to contribute to the family but in a new way (i.e. making lemonade out of lemons).  With my new status the transition to being a male trailing spouse was easy.

Being a stay-at-home-dad (SAHD) had its advantages particularly when it came to moving.  My wife left two months early for her overseas position so it was my responsibility to prepare for the move including the sale of the house, sale of vehicles, having our son finish his school year early, packing, preparation for the movers, closing accounts, etc.  When we arrived in Norway I had the freedom to search for grocery stores, get our son acclimated to his new school, figure out the public transportation system, find and enroll our son in sports and after-school activities, receive our shipment, unpack and arrange belongings, etc.

The short answer to the initial question is that I/we made the best of the situation we were in making adjustments as needed.  Our position as a family is that my contributions shifted from financial to "other."  I take joy in what I do.  I get satisfaction in having a clean house, good meals, clean clothes and a household that is in good running order.  On a side note, during the time I was laid off we became friends with a family going through similar circumstances so it was good to share empathy, understanding and support.

Why Can't We Be Friends?

In 1975 the musical group WAR came out with the song "Why Can't We Be Friends."  During our time as expats too often I/we have thought "why can't we have friends?"  We have been fortunate to meet neighbors, parents of our son's classmates, etc. but with my wife working long hours it has been virtually impossible to socialize during the week.  Weekends are often spent catching up on much needed rest and/or taking care of the last errands of the week.

Being a non-traditional trailing spouse does not make things easier.  There are many groups and activities for ladies during the day, but not so for men as most men are at work.  The times I have been invited to and attended coffee time after dropping the kids off at school I felt uncomfortable.  The last year we were in Norway there was a small group for stay-at-home-dads; even though we met only a few times at least there were some familiar faces at school functions.

My/our story is/was not all bleak.  We did get together with some friends, just not as often as we would have liked and with a concentrated effort to coordinate suitable times.  I did make acquaintances with neighbors, grocery store personnel and people at the gym.  These acquaintances may not have been close friends but I had a few adults to speak to or greet as we passed each other in the shopping center.  As I/we learn more French I/we will be able to take advantage of available clubs, events, etc.

Our situation with friends has reminded us of two truths.  Firstly if you want to make friends you can't wait for people to call on you, you have to be willing to step out and make the effort to meet others.  The second truth is that when you don't know anyone you come to rely on each other and the family unit grows in strength.