"And Now You Know...The Rest of the Story"

I often get the question "what do you do?"  The short answer is I am the Chief Operations Officer for Domestic Affairs, I take care of daily life.  I am a stay-at-home dad.  My wife leaves the house between 07:00 and 07:30 am and usually is not home before 20:00 (8:00 pm) so a "traditional" family setting is not possible.

Household tasks and chores take on a challenge when away from home.  Challenge number one was scheduling when to go shopping.  Our country of origin is the USA with mega size stores open early in the morning until late at night seven days a week.  In our first expat assignment we were in Norway where all stores are closed on Sunday.  The local large grocery store opened at 09:00, and closed at 20:00 (8:00 pm) weekdays and 18:00 (6:00 pm) Saturdays.  Large and/or heavy purchases had to be made on Saturday when our only vehicle was available for my use.  At first Sunday closing were inconvenient, but after some time we began to appreciate knowing that Sunday would be a day for the family.

The second challenge was size and selection.  The local large grocery store in Norway would be considered small to medium size in the US.  Product size in Norway seemed slightly larger than "fun" or travel size at Wal-Mart.  The cereal isle is the greatest shock to North Americans.  In the American mega grocery stores the cereal isle can be 30 m (100 feet) long with cereal from top to bottom of the shelves on both sides of the isle.  In comparison, in Norway the cereal isle is 6 m (20 feet) long with cereal on only one side of the isle.  One adjustment we made with regard to selection was with spaghetti sauce.  After trying all three brands we were disappointed so we made our own.  We repeated this practice with several other products resulting in cheaper, healthier and better tasting food.  One frustrating experience I had with limited products was one Saturday searching for what normally was a readily available product but was only in stock at the fifth store that I visited.  The adjustment we made was to simply use what was available or make our own.  The question now is do we really need the over the top amount of selection in North America?  Is more better?

Challenge number three was language.  Some products are easy to recognize because of brand familiarity (a box of Cheerios is a box of Cheerios) and/or pictures on the packaging.  Some products are easy to find using a translator.  The challenge comes when different cultures use different terminology.  One of my first language/culture difference was trying to find cilantro, a common item in Texas grocery stores.  After describing what I wanted and looking online I received confirmation from a transplanted American working at the grocery store that coriander and cilantro are the same thing.  A common question on an American/Norwegian Facebook group I am a member of is "what is the Norwegian word for (something from the US that is known some nickname)".  These adjustments need not be difficult, find out what you are looking for and after that it is easy.

The fourth challenge was only a perceived challenge, determining which stores carry which products.  Wherever I have lived certain stores are known to have a good/bad selection of whatever.  Norway was no different, although it was more pronounced.

The fifth challenge was sticker shock.  At the time we moved to Norway with the exchange rate Norwegian prices ranged from two to five times the price of the equivalent American product.  I experienced guilt at spending such amounts of money and ended up rationing my food causing me to lose 7 kg (15 lbs.).  The adjustment here for me was mental, telling myself to get over it.  When you live in Norway you pay Norwegian prices.

Challenge six was going from eating out two or three times a week to eating out once in three months.  Where we lived in Norway the restaurant selection was limited, the prices high, the portions smaller than we were use to (our son would ask for food when we came home because he was still hungry) and the quality mediocre.  Eating out is not as popular in Norway as in North America.  The task of preparing more meals seemed like a burden at times.  I ended up spending a great deal of time planning meals, planning when/where to shop and then preparing the food.  Our adjustment was simply that we got use to eating at home.  Our food was fresh, tasted better and we saved money.  Cooking has become a passion of mine.  Over the years our stomachs have changed finding North American restaurant meals much too large and over processed.  We did find some excellent places to eat in Norway, but eating out became a "treat."

The first few trips to the grocery store where long and laborious, returning home exhausted (physically, mentally and emotionally) and often with an incomplete shopping list.  Adjusting and adapting took time, but efficiency was ultimately reached.

The greatest non-food related challenge was/is laundry.  European washing machines and driers are small and slow compared to North American models.  In the US I could wash and dry a full load of laundry in one hour.  In Europe a load half the size takes a minimum of two hours to wash and dry.  Laundry is on the agenda almost every day.  Add in coordinating dryer use verses line dry clothes and maximizing efficiency resembles a high school math word problem.  Once I figured out the routine and patterns the challenge became manageable.

Dry cleaning in Norway was a shock.  Dry cleaners are scarce and extremely expensive--$16 for a shirt that would cost $1.99 in the US.  Needless to say dry cleaning was saved for special occasions and Dryel became the go-to substitute.

With only one vehicle I came to rely on public transportation.  While the system was excellent I had to plan according bus/metro schedules.

The move to France presented fewer challenges.  The primary difference was having experience which gave me a strategy to execute.  Remaining in Europe provided some similarities between the countries.  France does offer a greater selection at the grocery store and the French do love to eat out at good restaurants.  The French do have more dry cleaners but so far they are reluctant to tackle any item that provides a challenge.  The laundry situation has not changed.  We have a second vehicle since we have no public transportation system.

I have come to embrace the differences in daily life.  There have been moments of frustration and anger, but they have diminished in frequency.  While differences have been challenging they have also created adventures resulting in learning and even laughing.  Being a stay-at-home dad has become a joy.  It gives me great pleasure to provide a clean house, clean clothes and tasty and healthy meals to my family.  I have learned to adjust, plan and make the most of the situation.

With respect to the question "what do you do?" I would like to borrow a phrase from legendary American radio personality Paul Harvey, "And now you know...the rest of the story."